Manly Projects

Chris recently posted a picture on Facebook of a workbench he made and commented "now I can start on any number of manly projects." He was taken to task for using the wold manly. Women objected to the masculine adjective, saying they liked to make wood projects so manly was not an appropriate word. 

What adjective did they want him to use? He is a man. Has man bashing has become so commonplace that it has become acceptable to berate men for using a masculine word to describe himself or his interests?   I don't think anyone would take offense if I used a feminine adjective to describe my quilting and sewing projects. 

Foy years women have tried to inject the use of a female or gender neutral pronouns when describing themselves. Humankind instead of mankind. Police, fire, delivery, service and mail women as well as men. We of all people should be aware of the devaluation that language has to any gender.

Just because Chris wants to build manly projects on his new work bench does not mean that a woman cannot build any kind of projects she wants on hers. John has built girly projects for our granddaughters and womanly projects for me in his wood shop. But it is still his manly wood shop. 

I don't want to live in a gender neutral society where I have to be cautious of every pronoun or adjective I use to describe myself or others. I want to be able to use phrases like "boyish good looks" or "she is such a girly girl" without offending others. The advance women have made to include themselves in the descriptive lexicon of our language should not be used to eliminate the use of our masculine descriptive vocabulary. 

Mama's Father: Guy Phillip Hill

I askedmama what she remembered about her dad, Guy Phillip Hill. He died when she was only 71/2 years so she doesn't remember much. 

He was born November 12, 1904 in Bountiful, Utah to John William Hill and Sarah Ann Frisby Hill. Guy and Eva Cowley Willey met when they were in high school. She was a 6 months older and a grade ahead because she skipped a year. As a side note, mom said her elementary school wanted her to skip 5th or 6th grade but grandma always said no.  

Guy and Eva married on his 21st birthday, November 12, 1925. They had 4 children, Dean, Kieth, Beth Ann and David. Guy had a "toxic goiter" that must have made him a very sick man. He worked driving cars to and from Detroit and would pass out going into Little America in Wyoming due to the altitude. Mama remembers walking down the street with him and he would have to stop to catch his breath every block or so. They were living with his parents and he tried to help dig a half basement when he was home from his cross country drives and would have to stop and rest. For some reason his mother got really cross with him and told everyone he was a lazy bum who wouldn't work hard for his mother. ( I asked mom if I should put that in and she said "why not, that's what happened.)  Mom also remembers that the family received a box of oranges from a caring friend and her grandmother kept them all. "I never had one of those oranges."

 The doctor told Guy that he would have to have surgery or he would die. They didn't have the money, but finally his brother John said he would pay for the operation. But before he could have the surgery, he died on May 4, 1941 after eating a meal that included early spring radishes, he thought he had bad indigestion from the spicy food and went out to the outhouse. When he didn't come back in Uncle John went out to look for him and found him collapsed by the outhouse door. Mama remembers the doctor trying to revive him by jabbing a long needlle into his heart. She cried out "Don't you hurt my daddy!" He was 36 years old. She was 7. Mama  saiid that her mother never had radishes in the house again.

Mom said her fathers' death didn't sink in until she was sitting in front of his casket during the funeral and realized that her father was really dead and not coming back. Then she started crying and was inconsolable. 

This picture was taken after the funeral. Butch or Uncle Dave was 9 months, Uncle Dean was 14 1/2,  Uncle Keith was 13 1/2 and mom was 7 1/2 years old

Mama's Elementary School: Stoker Elementary

Mom and I passed the old red brick school in Bountiful on 2^nd South and 1^st East where the University of Utah holds their continuing education program on the way to the Legacy Center where dad is staying. Mama went to elementary school there when it was called Stoker Elementary. She walked from the apartments on 3^rd East and Center Street four blocks away. It was a game to seem who could cross the creek without getting their shoes wet, no one wanted cold wet feet all day at school. She never remember losing, her feet were always dry. She has come full circle as it is the same creek that passes by the Legacy Center, only now it goes through a cement culvert.  

Mama in the sixth grade. 

One of her memories of elementary school is when she was walking to school she felt the strap on her full slip break. She kept tugging at her slip because it was starting to show. Then she felt her other strap break. Her slip started falling off and she ran down a hall she wasn’t supposed to go to get to the restroom to fix it. All the girls carried an extra safety pin to fix things like that. The principal saw her and told her to come see him. She told him no and ran home because she was so embarrassed that her slip was falling down. Of course her mother made her go back to school and apologize to the principal. He had already called Grandma Trump and told her what mom had done. Mom said that from that incident onward the principal always liked mom and would have her run little errands for him.

Ann Elizabeth and David Orson Willey: Mom's Maternal Grandparents

I asked mom what she knew about her grandparents. Grandma  Trumps's parents were David Orson Willey and Ann Elizabeth Cowley Willey. Ann Elizabeth was the second wife of David Willey and the brother of Matthias Foss Cowley, the apostle. There isn't a lot of information about their marriage except the date June 24,1900 because it was performed after the Manifesto was signed. Mom thought Matthias probably performed the sealing but we cannot find an official record of the marriage.  Matthias later resigned from the Quorum of the Twelve because he disagreed with the abolishment of plural marriage and was disfellowshipped from the Church In 1911 and remained so until 1936, when he was restored to full fellowship. Mom said she once asked Matthias' sister why it took so long for him to rejoin the church and she indignantly replied "maybe because he didn't think he did anything wrong. " As far as I know there are no pictures of Ann Elizabeth and David Orsen together. This is the only picture I could find of Ann Elizabeth, she is with her brother Matthias.

Grandma and her sister Antonette Wiilley were raised in a polygamous home. Whenever their father came to visit was a special day. He would walk in the door and say "Annie, I have a new word for you." But he never once stumped her, she always knew the definition.  Grandma never said anything bad about polygamy, and loved her father's visits but Auntie (as we called Antonette) always felt like an illegitimate child.    

There is one story mom told about Ann Elizabeth and Matthias. I don't know the dates. Ann had "water on her knee" which was very painful and caused her to use a cane. She asked Matthias if he would giver her a blessing.  He did and then asked her for a drink of water.  She reached for her cane so she could get up and he said " No Annie, you won't need that anymore." She got up, got him his water and was pain free.

A New Direction: Family History

I have decided to ask mom personal history questions published on the Family Search website and then record her answers on my blog. I want to do this in the next year or so before it is too late.  Her health is iffy and she is  slowing down more than ever. I am tired of what I have been writing and want to go a new direction. I will also record my own answers to the same questions and start my personal history as well and get a twofer out of this project. 

What is your full name and why did your parents give it to you?

Beth Ann Hill Neville.  Mom was named after her maternal  grandmother, Ann Elizabeth Cowley Willey. Mom was always glad her first name was Beth Ann because she thought Beth in the book "Little Women" was such an insipid character that she was glad she wasn't named after her. Mom was always called Beth Ann and never Beth, but dad sometimes called her Bethie. Her mother's name was Eva Cowley Willey Hill Trump. She married Guy Phillip Hill who died when mom was seven.  Eva remarried when mom was seventeen to Charles Anthony Trump.

My full name is Jeanne Neville Lingard. I asked mom where our names came from and she said she always thought she would name a girl Jane Ann. Grandma Neville really wanted us to have twin names like Bruce and Bob, our dad's and his twin's names. Mom told me that she liked the elegant way our names looked instead of plain Jean and Jane so we became Jeanne and Jayne. When dad blessed me he called me Jay er Jeanne and I have answered to both names ever since.

Mexico, Round 2

I took another trip to Mexico. I know, life is rough. I went this time so I could help mom go. Jayne sent out an email inviting anyone who could get away the week after Mother's Day to come. She was somewhat surprised at the eager takers. I don't know why, for an opportunity for a week at the beach is never to be taken lightly. So Jayne, Dave, Stacey and Haley (who flew out from Delaware), Brett, Kerri, Mckenna (who just graduated from nursing school), Tailor and Liam, Shelley, mom and I were there the first of the week and Jane Ann and Weston, and Alison and Russell (who just announced she was pregnant, hooray!) came on Wednesday. 

We figured it was the last time mom might be able to go to Mexico because it is getting harder and harder for her to get around. She has developed neuropathy and a drop foot and gets so very tired. She really wanted to go and we thought if one of us flew with her and took care of travel details she would be ok. I was very impressed with the way Delta Airlines facilitated the disabled. They had wheelchairs ready for us when we checked in and wheelchairs at the door when we disembarked. They also let us pre board so mom didn't feel rushed and other travelers weren't held up by her slowness. An airline employee told me she wished all elderly would use the wheelchairs because it makes makes things go smoother for everyone. 

Jayne and Alison had a lovely Mother's Day dinner for us when we got there. Thomas, Annie and John had already made me a Mother's Day brunch of cholocate orange cinnamon rolls, baked bacon, strawberries, brown sugar and sour cream so I got a twofer.

Mexico was windy and not as warm as we would like but the old adage is still true: a week at the beach is better than a week anywhere else. We watched the huge wind generated waves and high tides a lot so we could catch every minute of calm warm beach time.

I enjoyed sister time and watching the little ones.  

Everyone loves Grandpa/Uncle Brett. We have all thoroughly enjoyed being a grand aunts and uncles. The nieces and nephews' children are a joy to be around. They are the next best thing to grandchildren. 

We took lots of walks and saw a lot of sea creatures and birds: terne eggs just laying on the dunes, a sick sea lion (poor thing, we could see a wound under its jaws and it just sat there while we got closer and closer,) blue cannon ball jelly fish, a live sand dollar, and a squadron of pelicans feeding in front of the beach house. They were diving into a school of fish just off shore, looking strangely like a flock of pterodactyl fossils with their wings out stretched before folding them in to slam into the water. 

Those are my blue toenails. Mom and I got pedicures before the trip.

I went so soon after my last trip because Stacey flew out from Delaware and so many of my family were going to be there. I wanted bring mom although any of my sibling would have been happy to take her as well. We even got a picture of her on the beach on one of the few times it was pleasant enough to linger.  I am just below Alison and those are Jayne's legs below Jane Ann. We were there, we just didn't make it in the picture.

Many of my friends whose mothers' have died tell me to enjoy the times I still have with my  mother because she will not always be with us. I appreciate the advice and feel blessed that I can still spend time with her and the amazing family she raised.

He is Sill Dad

Dad's slow decline has been worrisome and frustrating at the same time. He has a couple of spots of melanoma that should be agressive but are not as far as we can see. Sometimes I take mom to see him and there is hardly any response. Other times he sees us come in and a smile lights his face. He loves it when mom kisses him and often raises his head for more. But I don't think he could tell us her name, let alone mine. The other day I was there when some music people were playing the piano and singing songs from the 30s and 40s. They passed out papers with words to the songs on them and of course mom was singing and harmonizing like she always does. All of a sudden dad started singing "Yankee Doodle" with the group and was trying to read the words.  Mom and I looked at each other and wondered "where did that come from?" Unfortunately we both knew it didn't mean anything. He will not get better.

He has fallen three times in the past week. Twice, he was found by on the floor by the bed bleeding from a head wound and once while they were trying to get him to stand up. The CNAs said he seemed quite agitated. I wonder if something new is going on that we don't know about. He has quite the black eye. Poor guy. 

Seeing dad in his demented state is hard. At times I think he is is not dad I knew. But that is not true. He is still my dad. Lately I have felt more love and tenderness towards him than I have since he has been in the care center. It has been a privilege and blessing to take mom to see him every week and hold his strong warm hand while we sit.