Mexico, Round 2

I took another trip to Mexico. I know, life is rough. I went this time so I could help mom go. Jayne sent out an email inviting anyone who could get away the week after Mother's Day to come. She was somewhat surprised at the eager takers. I don't know why, for an opportunity for a week at the beach is never to be taken lightly. So Jayne, Dave, Stacey and Haley (who flew out from Delaware), Brett, Kerri, Mckenna (who just graduated from nursing school), Tailor and Liam, Shelley, mom and I were there the first of the week and Jane Ann and Weston, and Alison and Russell (who just announced she was pregnant, hooray!) came on Wednesday. 

We figured it was the last time mom might be able to go to Mexico because it is getting harder and harder for her to get around. She has developed neuropathy and a drop foot and gets so very tired. She really wanted to go and we thought if one of us flew with her and took care of travel details she would be ok. I was very impressed with the way Delta Airlines facilitated the disabled. They had wheelchairs ready for us when we checked in and wheelchairs at the door when we disembarked. They also let us pre board so mom didn't feel rushed and other travelers weren't held up by her slowness. An airline employee told me she wished all elderly would use the wheelchairs because it makes makes things go smoother for everyone. 

Jayne and Alison had a lovely Mother's Day dinner for us when we got there. Thomas, Annie and John had already made me a Mother's Day brunch of cholocate orange cinnamon rolls, baked bacon, strawberries, brown sugar and sour cream so I got a twofer.

Mexico was windy and not as warm as we would like but the old adage is still true: a week at the beach is better than a week anywhere else. We watched the huge wind generated waves and high tides a lot so we could catch every minute of calm warm beach time.

I enjoyed sister time and watching the little ones.  

Everyone loves Grandpa/Uncle Brett. We have all thoroughly enjoyed being a grand aunts and uncles. The nieces and nephews' children are a joy to be around. They are the next best thing to grandchildren. 

We took lots of walks and saw a lot of sea creatures and birds: terne eggs just laying on the dunes, a sick sea lion (poor thing, we could see a wound under its jaws and it just sat there while we got closer and closer,) blue cannon ball jelly fish, a live sand dollar, and a squadron of pelicans feeding in front of the beach house. They were diving into a school of fish just off shore, looking strangely like a flock of pterodactyl fossils with their wings out stretched before folding them in to slam into the water. 

Those are my blue toenails. Mom and I got pedicures before the trip.

I went so soon after my last trip because Stacey flew out from Delaware and so many of my family were going to be there. I wanted bring mom although any of my sibling would have been happy to take her as well. We even got a picture of her on the beach on one of the few times it was pleasant enough to linger.  I am just below Alison and those are Jayne's legs below Jane Ann. We were there, we just didn't make it in the picture.

Many of my friends whose mothers' have died tell me to enjoy the times I still have with my  mother because she will not always be with us. I appreciate the advice and feel blessed that I can still spend time with her and the amazing family she raised.

He is Sill Dad

Dad's slow decline has been worrisome and frustrating at the same time. He has a couple of spots of melanoma that should be agressive but are not as far as we can see. Sometimes I take mom to see him and there is hardly any response. Other times he sees us come in and a smile lights his face. He loves it when mom kisses him and often raises his head for more. But I don't think he could tell us her name, let alone mine. The other day I was there when some music people were playing the piano and singing songs from the 30s and 40s. They passed out papers with words to the songs on them and of course mom was singing and harmonizing like she always does. All of a sudden dad started singing "Yankee Doodle" with the group and was trying to read the words.  Mom and I looked at each other and wondered "where did that come from?" Unfortunately we both knew it didn't mean anything. He will not get better.

He has fallen three times in the past week. Twice, he was found by on the floor by the bed bleeding from a head wound and once while they were trying to get him to stand up. The CNAs said he seemed quite agitated. I wonder if something new is going on that we don't know about. He has quite the black eye. Poor guy. 

Seeing dad in his demented state is hard. At times I think he is is not dad I knew. But that is not true. He is still my dad. Lately I have felt more love and tenderness towards him than I have since he has been in the care center. It has been a privilege and blessing to take mom to see him every week and hold his strong warm hand while we sit.

A Headache at the Beach. . .

The week before conference I went to Mexico with Jayne and Dave. My headaches had been continuous since January and I was reaching the end of my rope.  On the spur of the moment I called Jayne and asked her if I could crash the trip they were planning with some friends the next week.  She graciously agreed and I bought a very expensive airplane ticket to Tucson on Tuesday and left on Saturday. 

The weather was perfect, sunny with highs in the low 80s and lows in the high 50s. I walked, paddle boarded, kayaked and sat in the sun. One afternoon I sat on the beach by myself as the tide was coming in and didn't see another person for several hours.  It was lovely. 

Jayne's friends were nice, but I didn't feel like I had to socialize with them all the time. If they started talking about their ward or old friends, I just quietly left the room. No one seemed to mind. Jayne had her friends help with meals like we always do and it was fun to eat different food than we usually do. One couple grilled salmon that actually tasted pretty good to me. 

Jayne has lost over 20 pounds in the past year, so I decided I would try to lose weight as well. We both had gained the menopause 20 pounds. I was at an all time high last summer  and hating it but couldn't get the motivation to do anything about it. But, by golly if Jayne could do it so could I. Who says we're not competitive? I am down 7 pounds here and hoping to match her 20. 

Unfortunately, the beach didn't make my headaches much better. I had them while I was there and the week after I got home. But a headache at the beach is better than a headache at home anyday. I asked John and Thomas to give me a blessing a few days after I got home. I had done all I could to function with my migraines: drugs, diet coke, exercise and finally the beach. It was time to ask the Lord for help.  I haven't had immediate relief, but they are slowly abating. At least I an functional more often than not. Happy day. I am so grateful for priesthood blessings. 

Quilt Finish: Stained Glass Bible Blocks

I was asked more than ten years ago by the Relief Society President to start up a quilt group for our ward. Sisters have come and gone over the years as their interest waxed and waned, but I have been able to help 4 or 5 sisters become constant quilters. That makes me very happy. 

I wish every woman had a group where they could meet with like minded friends. For me there is something about sitting around a table stitching and visiting that is very therapeutic. John keeps telling me we should call ourselves the "Stitch and Bitch" quilt group, but we have gone with the more pedestrian "Neighborhood Quilt Group" as to not offend the tender sensibilities of some.

I have taught several different quilt patterns over the years with varing levels of success. The most recent quilt was taken from an old magazine published in the early 80s that I found at an antique store using blocks inspired by the Bible. I thought it might be a good way to teach several different quilting techniques with some fun traditional blocks. I used mom's vintage solids and stitched two of each block so I could show a finished block and on under construction for the classes. One block was the traditional combination of white with colors and the most of other blocks had no white in them.

I thought I would try and go for a stained glass look and bordered each set of the same blocks with a gray solid. "Joseph's Coat of Many Colors" is the second block over in the third row. After cutting and piecing it I decided it was a little too involved for my class (it had over 50 pieces in it) so I only made one.  That left me with an odd number so I found a block called "Children of Israel" that is in the top left hand corner.  Other blocks are Garden of Eden, Robbing Peter to Pay Paul, Jacob's Ladder, Wallls of Jericho, On Wings of Eagles, Kings Crown, Roman Cross and Storm at Sea.

I straight line quilted it with lines radiating out from the upper left  corner to suggest the sun shining through a cathedral window.

I pieced the back with pieces of the same solids I used in the quilt top bordering them with gray to continue the stained glass look. When I first got the magazine with the bible block in it I played around with "Roman Cross" and made 4 6 inch blocks. I was never happy with how it laid when I pieced the four blocks together and put it away. After I starched the heck out of it so it would lay somewhat flat I pieced it into the back of the quilt. 

I wanted to remember what Bible story each block represented so I made a label with a grid on it with the name of all of the blocks along with the documentation for the quilt.

Best of all Annie came to our quilting group for a while before she was called to work in the Young Women's that met on the same night. She made her quilt in white and blue and bordered it in red. I think it turned out fabulous and has such a different look from mine. 

Whatever

John started running again. He changed cardiologists because the one he had since his heart attacks was retiring and we had to change insurance plans. His new cardiologist is younger and a runner.  After looking at John's echo cardiogram results he repeated what his original doctor had said. "Because I know you have had two heart attacks and if I look really heard I can see the little bit of damage from your heart attacks. It is remarkable considering the severity of your heart attack." 

But, this is where he differs from the first doctor. He believed that since John's two heart attacks were exercise induced that John should limit his cardiovascular exercise.  Which meant no running. The new doc said he wanted to get his patients back where they were before the attack. And if that was running marathons, so be it. Even though it had been nine years! John was thrilled! Me, not so much.

So now I am resigned and back to worrying every time he goes out on a long run. We were in  Moab for Clay and Leslie's baby Eva's blessing. John woke up at 4:00 am as usual and couldn't go back to sleep so he got up to go run. He woke me up to tell me he was going running and  I drowsily muttered" whatever" and rolled over went back to sleep. I woke later when it was light and realized John wasn't home yet. I got that gut wrenching feeling and tried to figure out what to do. My phone was dead so I couldn't call him. Just as I was getting dressed to go out and find him he came walking in the door very pleased with himself because he ran ten miles, the most he had run since he started training again. In his defense it was further than he thought he was going to run, but he had to find a bathroom and the closest one was 2 miles down the road.

All I could think of was what if the last thing I said to him was "whatever." He could have been dead on the side of the road for all I knew. Admittedly, that is over reacting, but still. Last marathon = heart attack!  We are working through it.

Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

Our family is dealing with something that is harder than I ever thought it would be. It is never easy to talk about religion much less to disagree about religion. I find myself not understanding why my loved ones are leaving the church. But I do want to know what they are feeling. As a mother and aunt I want to agree with them. But I can't.  It is a journey I don't want to take. And it hurts so much. I know it is not something they have done lightly. I can't imagine what it must feel like to leave something that has been such a part of who they are. Does if feel like part of them has been ripped out and reformed or is it a relief that they don't have to worry about the pieces that no longer fit? I don't know. But I do know it does not change the way I feel about them. I still love them dearly and our family should always come before religious disagreement. 

Because my loved ones have been exploring new beliefs, they naturally want to share them with the family. That is what we have always done. Unfortunately their new beliefs are not always in harmony with what I and other family members believe. As these new ideas are posted on Facebook there have been misunderstandings and hurt feelings.  I have wept, felt physically ill and wondered if my heart would break.  

When something or someone I love is attacked, I have found I take the comments very personally, even though they have not been directed at me. The mama bear in me come out. What I have failed to realize is my biases and viewpoints color everything I hear and read. What I see as an attack, others might see as simply sharing information. I need to learn not to take things so personally. And  perhaps if we all used Golden Rule and thought of others reactions to andy ideas we share we might avoid offending others. 

I have spent the past few days wondering what we as a family can do to heal hurt feelings caused by misunderstanding and unthinking words. I wish there was a way we could talk about these issues without someone feeling like their beliefs are being attacked or discounted. We need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable, as Grandma Lingard with her southern wisdom, used to put it. 

Our great, wonderful, and fabulous family is too important to let words come between us.

Family Generations

We just back from a weekend in Moab for Eva's blessing. It was a fun sisters weekend with Shelley, Ann, Jayne and Dave, Kerri and McKenna, John and I in a condo a few miles from Clay and Leslie's place. Cade, Tailor, and Liam were also around most of the time, they were staying with her folks a few miles away.  I felt a little sorry for John and Dave in a house full of women. They never complain. 

We spent Saturday morning working on Clay and Leslie's new town home. It was a chilly snowy morning. It turns out I am truly John's wife, because I knew how to use the power tools. Jayne stayed home to watch Eva so that's me in the picture with Dave and Leslie photo bombing us. 

  I love how this picture captures our family working together to build a home.

That afternoon we went on a little hike to the Moab Rim Trail above the Colorado River so the kids could work off a little energy although John didn't need to, he did a trail run with Leslie on the slick rock practice trail that morning.

John and I are still in our work clothes, and I hadn't really warmed up from that morning, but it was good to walk up the slick rock over the river. Sam wanted to throw rocks into the river not realizing it was a long drop down. He scared us to death when he got too close to the cliff. The mommy fear never goes away. 

It was nice to sit together as a family in sacrament meeting for the blessing.  I watched Jayne with her grandchildren, especially as she held sleepy baby Eva, and Kerri with baby Liam and ached for my own grandchildren. They are so far away. Sometimes it was all I could do not to reach for the babies and Owen and Sam as their mothers and grandmothers were cuddling them. I wanted to be them.  I held Eva after sacrament meeting for a few moments before we left and cute Leslie took one last picture saying, "Good, I'm glad I got a picture of you and Eva."  And I was grateful for family. For our unconditional love, for our togetherness, and for our generations.