Lessons Learned

The last two weeks have been spent packing up mom and dad's house.  They have lived in that house almost half of their lives.  It has been a very bittersweet time for me.  I got to have Jayne, Alison and her 5 month old son Russell, and Leslie and her 6 month old son Owen came and stayed with us for a week to help pack. Alison and Leslie are wonderful moms and it was so fun to have them in our home.  Plus, I got a little Grandma Jeanne time with their boys.  Mom and dad  are moving into Brett and Kerri's basement and will be downsizing by two thirds.  It is no easy thing to box up 40 years in a couple of weeks.  During this process I think I have learned several thing:

1. Rotate your food storage.

We brought up wheat from 1966 in cans that were covered in petrified mouse poop.  Admittedly, wheat lasts a long time and was probably still good, but Kerri and I can get away from the "eew" factor.  On the more practical side, 12 Costco sized jars of peanut butter, 7 year old flour, 8 year old canned goods, and ten year old jam really should have been rotated (or given to the food bank) before it became unusable.  It's a fine line between food insurance and wastefulness. 

2.  It's easier to go through your mom's things when she is still alive.

As Jayne and I went through mom's treasures, we would ask Mom what things were and if she was willing to part with them.  At first it was really hard for mom to think about parting with things, but after a while she got much better.  I think she liked the idea of the grand children treasuring them.  I took pictures of the things and gave a little history of the item, ie, this was a wedding present, grandma liked this because. . ., I remember using this growing up.  I then emailed the pictures and stories out to the grand kids and asked them what things they would like.  The response was very touching.  The grandchildren loved the stories behind the treasures and treasured them because they knew grandma did.

Before Jayne and Stacey left we, all 7 children, spouses and grandchildren that still live nearby, got together  and divided up the treasures.  It was a night of joy and laughter as everyone tried so hard to be fair.  We were not mourning the loss of a loved one but celebrating their life. We didn't have to do this after a funeral.  I have talked to many of my friends who have had to go through their parent's things after they died.  Inevitably it is a hard sad thing to do.  They don't know why their parent kept things.  We wouldn't have know that the Duncan relish tray was a wedding present and is fairly collectible. It would have gone straight to the DI pile.

3.  If I don't use something during the year, I am not keeping it.

As Mom Lingard puts it "They are only material things."  I love pretty things and want to have them in my home, but if I can't or don't use them, why not let someone else use them.  I would have loved some of my mother's treasure when I was in my 20s and 30s and and we couldn't afford a lot of nice things. Of course there are sentimental thing that I will probably keep. (Famous last words; my kids will probably think I have a lot of "unnecessary pretty items" when they have to go through my things.)

4.  Plan for the future.

John is 57, I am almost 55, in ten years we will need to decide if we are still able to keep up our beautiful home.  If not I hope we will choose to downsize and leave our home. If mom and dad had done this 10 years ago they would have been able to move when they wanted to not because they had to.  Dad and Mom Lingard moved out of their Riverton home into a condo while they were still in their 60s.  I thought they were crazy to move into such a small place while they were still young, but now I admire them. Looking back, I think Dad and Mom were planning ahead, they knew his heart wasn't strong enough for a big place. Hopefully, this is a lesson we can learn from them.