Martha Mary Luton Lingard: March 23, 1925 to November 7, 2013

John's mother, my dear mother-in-law, passed away last Thursday. She had been failing for a few weeks and we knew the end was close. It many ways it was a relief, but it is sad to know she is no longer with us. She was 88 years old.

The first time time she met me she wrote in her journal, "I hope she doesn't break John's heart." She knew there was something special going on before we did. Or at least I did. I have to admit I was a little overwhelmed to be dating some one who had 8 siblings and 4 or 5 ready made nieces and nephews.

Mom and Dad Lingard at our wedding

Martha's white hair, southern charm and soft spoken voice instantly endeared her to me. She told me that with six sons that she decided she would look for the good in her daughters-in-law and try not to say anything negative about them. Good advice that I have tried to emulate. A few days before she died, Rachel and I helped her get ready for bed because she was too weak to do it for herself. The last thing mom said to me as I kissed her good night was "I have always loved you like a daughter." I kissed her again and answered "I love you too. When my friends used to complain about their mothers-in-law I never had anything to say. You were always good to me. Thank you." It was the last conversation we had. 

She had many sayings that came from her southern roots. She told me "nothing that ends seems long" when I was pregnant with Matt. I said to myself  "What do you mean pregnancy doesn't seem long. I will be pregnant forever!"  She used to ask her children "If not me, who; if not now, when?" when they had chores to do. Also "many hands make like work" and, with a southern drawl, "work from you cane until you canen't". Translated to "work as soon as you can see the sun until you can't."

Martha with John and me last Thanksgiving.

 Martha loved doing things for others and served every one around her. If I could do anything over again I would let her do more things for me. When ever she came to dinner or stay with us I made sure every thing was perfect and there was nothing for her to do. I felt I could do it all and would seem incompetent if I didn't. I was too proud to let her serve me. I apologized a few years ago for not being a better daughter- in-law. I told her I wished I had been more aware of her feelings. Of course she said that I was perfect, but I knew better.

with Annie

with Thomas

with Paul, Molly and baby Paul

                               

with Lily


It is a comfort and blessing to know that Martha had loved ones waiting for her on the other side. The veil was very thin the last few days before she died. I know that Dad was waiting for her with open arms. I can picture the smile on his face as she walked into his embrace. I loved you both. Thanks for being John's parents.