He is Sill Dad

Dad's slow decline has been worrisome and frustrating at the same time. He has a couple of spots of melanoma that should be agressive but are not as far as we can see. Sometimes I take mom to see him and there is hardly any response. Other times he sees us come in and a smile lights his face. He loves it when mom kisses him and often raises his head for more. But I don't think he could tell us her name, let alone mine. The other day I was there when some music people were playing the piano and singing songs from the 30s and 40s. They passed out papers with words to the songs on them and of course mom was singing and harmonizing like she always does. All of a sudden dad started singing "Yankee Doodle" with the group and was trying to read the words.  Mom and I looked at each other and wondered "where did that come from?" Unfortunately we both knew it didn't mean anything. He will not get better.

He has fallen three times in the past week. Twice, he was found by on the floor by the bed bleeding from a head wound and once while they were trying to get him to stand up. The CNAs said he seemed quite agitated. I wonder if something new is going on that we don't know about. He has quite the black eye. Poor guy. 

Seeing dad in his demented state is hard. At times I think he is is not dad I knew. But that is not true. He is still my dad. Lately I have felt more love and tenderness towards him than I have since he has been in the care center. It has been a privilege and blessing to take mom to see him every week and hold his strong warm hand while we sit.