Dad's 84th Birthday

  We celebrated  dad's birthday Sunday at the care center. I'm not sure it meant anything to him but it made us feel better. We were a little worried that the confusion of everyone there would make him anxious or upset, but he seemed very calm and content as 2 dogs, 4 great grandkids, a new great grand baby and his children and grandchildren surrounded him. 

The only things that dad responds to besides sweets are babies. I think Anikka's baby Charlie was a hit. I love this four generation photo. 

Because dad still loves sweets and we cannot have a birthday party without cake, I made Applesauce Cake with raisins, toasted pecans and cream cheese lemon frosting. I normally don't get to make it with raisins and nuts because too many people don't like lots of noogies in their cake but dad has alway loved it that way. Shelley made a layered chocolate cake with milk chocolate butter cream frosting. 

Dad's adventurous spirit, his non judgemental manner, the way he taught us to fish, ski and be better human beings, his wanting to spend his free time with mom and his children and his love of the gospel are the things that make him a wonderful dad.  How lucky were are. 

Mom and I were both dressed in black and white. Can you tell we are mother and daughter? We even have the same hair color. 

Ball, Anyone?

I took mom to see dad today. When we got there he was sound asleep in his favorite chair.  We couldn't wake him up. Debbie, the activities director, came in and got all the residents who were able as well as visitors in a circle and pulled out a small beach ball. She then started bouncing the ball to the  people in the circle. 

It was a very bittersweet activity. As soon as dad saw the ball he woke up and started to play. He would catch the ball and throw it back with a spin. It was a very conscious throw, like he knew exactly what he was doing. I saw a hint of the father I know and love in that throw. 

I saw more animation and life in the residents playing this simple game that I had ever seen before. 90 year old Colleen, who is almost always grumpy came out of her room to play and smiled and tossed the ball to mom who is so nice to her.  Norma, who thinks she personally knows the queen and prince jumped up to chase the ball whenever it got away. Elva, a small redhead with long lacquered nails and vacant eyes had a gentle smile on her face the whole time. Karen, who see things and talks to people only she can see threw the ball with gusto. And Renee, the newest resident played with her faithful husband Pete. Her dementia is not as bad as others in the memory unit, but the signs are there. 

I caught a glimpse of what these lost souls must have been like before their minds betrayed them. I think I would have enjoyed knowing them. 

Dirty feet

Weeded for a hour and a half in the yard this morning.  I really should wear shoes and socks, but I like the feel of the cool wet grass, warm earth and air on my toes.  It is hard on the pedicure, though. People ask if my yard is a lot of work. I guess it is, but I enjoy it, so it doesn't seem like work. Doing the dishes does.

You Don't Have to Ask Me Everything

Conference is over, but one of the issues of the past few conferences is not. A group of women in the church want to be ordained to the priesthood. They want equality with every church member. I do not agree with or support this group but there are some some areas the church can improve with regard to women roles in the church.

Most women I have talked to in the church would tell you that they have been marginalized to some extent by men or priesthood bearers in the church. I know I have, and so have my mother and my daughter. Starting with the inequality of funds and activities for the young men compared to the young women to the exclusion of women in ward meetings where the needs and callings of the sisters are discussed. Many years ago  I was hurt and disturbed when I was told that I had to have a member of the bishopric attend my Relief Society presidency meetings.  To do what? Didn't they trust me to have a meeting without a priesthood holder's input and censoring? In all fairness, he didn't want to be there anymore than I wanted him there. It didn't last long because it was so impractical, and maybe because he might have felt that I didn't welcome him with open arms.

Many of the limitations placed by women in the church are due to culture norms going back to biblical times. When women truly were the weaker sex. At least physically. They had to be protected because of their value in bearing and rearing children. A patriarchal culture was needed to survive and thrive. The church still has that patriarchal mentality. It worked as long as the rest of the world had the same mentality. But you can't hide years of feminism and equal rights from the sisters of the church. It is out there. Our sisters have discovered we are as smart, able and spiritual as our priesthood brethren. 

I love and support the priesthood holders in my family. I support and sustain the prophet and my wonderful bishop. John has never made me feel less able because he holds the priesthood and I don't.  The church cites a statistic that only .02 percent of LDS women support the Ordain Women Movement. If they really want to know how women feel, I think they are asking the wrong question. The question should be: " Has a priesthood leader ever made you, as a woman, feel less equal or important because he holds the priesthood and you don't, especially in terms of church callings and ward administration?"  Many women would answer yes. 

I feel that the brethren would honestly be surprised that so many women feel like they are on the outside looking in, in many church affairs. They don't mean to hurt and exclude us but we are a patriarchal church run by Elders who are more than a half a century older than many of the women seeking change. I don't know if the brethren can comprehend how marginalized women might feel at the little snubs and policies that are made in the sisters' behalf, but without the sister's knowledge or consent.

The church, the gospel and especially Jesus Christ are far too important to me to make this issue a deal breaker as far as my membership and activity in the church are concerned. I will continue to serve where ever I am asked. And I will continue to not be intimidated because I am a woman. Just this morning I was at a Relief Society actvity planning meeting and we had to change the date of an activity.  We needed to change the date back to a date that had already been rejected by the bishop because of building scheduling conflicts. No one at the meeting wanted to call the bishop and ask if we could do the activity at some one's house instead of the church. They looked at me and said "Jeanne you do it, you are not afraid to ask, you are always our diplomatic one."  So I called and our dear bishop said, "You don't have to ask me about everything, of course you can change the date," and then he proceeded to check his calendar to make sure there were no other ward or stake conflicts we would have to deal with.  

That is the response every sister needs.  "You don't have to ask me about everything." You are smart, you are able and I trust you.  If every priesthood holder had that attitude, maybe hearts would be softened and hurt feelings healed.

On the Road Again

Spring  travels were good to us this year: a spring sealing in the beautiful new Gilbert temple, a week in Mexico, and a few days in Los Vegas. All with sunny beautiful weather, greatly appreciated by our winter weary souls.

John and I planned on driving down to Mesa for Carlos and LaDawn's oldest son Grant's wedding. As long as we were going John volunteered to smoke pork butts for the reception. Then he decided it wouldn't take much more effort to pull a trailer full of Martha's furniture and house wares that Carlos inherited for the newly wed's to use. I also pieced and the aunts and cousins tied the traditional "aunts quilt" for Grant and Kayleen. It was a wonderful family weekend.

Since we were already in Arizona I kind of invited my self to Jayne and Dave's beach house in Rocky Point Mexico. Brett and Kerri and their family and Jayne and Dave were going to be there and I couldn't resist. Thanks Kerri and Jayne. Then John and Annie decided that they would take a few extra days off and spend the weekend as an early 60th birthday present. (I can't believe he is 60. . .yikes!)  

One of John's goals for the trip was to take the stand up paddle board past the sand bar into the ocean. After he did it he said he couldn't understand the appeal, he would rather sit down and paddle his kayak.  But Annie loved paddle boarding. I even tried it, but was mocked by the spring breakers for going so slow. 

After John and Annie left I just relaxed and enjoyed the company and beach. Colby and Jane Ann and their 12 week old son Weston were the highlight of the trip. Everyone loved Weston. He smiled, cooed and talked his way into our hearts. It was also Ezra's 9th birthday so I sent him a note from the beach. 

I got back late Monday afternoon. Annie and Thomas had planned a birthday dinner for John at her house. Lasagna, bread, salad, and our new favorite, French Cholate Silk Pie. 

Tuesday morning we packed up again and headed for some Allstate meetings. Jayne told me if I ever had the chance to go to Los Vegas to just enjoy it for what it offered me and not worry about all the bad stuff. So I did. We stayed at the Venician with great rooms. 3 flat screen tvs, (which we didn't turn on), king size bed and a step down living room with a view of a golf course and east mountains. 

We wondered around the canals and shoppes of the Venician, visited the conservatory full of beautiful flowers at the Belligio, saw transformers and a wax Bruce Willis on the street, had a yummy meatball sub at Buddy Vs (of Cake Boss fame) too bad the bakery won't open until next month, had not one but two of yummiest chocolate almond crossiant from the Bucheron bakery and best of all saw Cirque dul Soilel's Mystere show. Jayne was right, if you look for the good in Los Vegas you can have a great time.

It's Just a Material Thing

John and I went to Martha's condo with his siblings to divide up her things.  There wasn't anything left of great worth, just sentimental "mementos" as Craig called them. Martha didn't place a lot of value on material things. I heard her say many times "It's just a material thing, don't worry about it." when one of the grandchildren broke something. With nine children and 44 grandchildren she did not or could not worry about things if they got lost or broken.

The top three and the middle three as John calls his siblings. The bottom three weren't born yet. Which one is John?

There were many things she treasured that were chipped or broken and glued back together: a flow blue plate, old china from her grandmama's house, nick knacks given to her by her children through the years, even a pretty little vase that she turned so the the broken side didn't show. She had a pretty brown transfer ware gravy boat that I always loved and John asked for it. When we got it home I noticed that the bottom of the handle was broken of but it didn't stop her from enjoying and using it. When I first noticed the handle was broken I was disappointed, but then remembered Martha saying "It's just a material thing," and decided to  use and enjoy it like she did.

A few of Mom Lingard's things we inherited. They are on an old library table that had been promised to John years ago. 

Dad and Mom Lingard had already given away a lot of things to their children, especially antiques they inherited from dad's Uncle Albert and Aunt Annie, so there were not many things of value left, just things of sentimental value.We brought home her old oak recipe box filled recipe cards in her small boxy handwriting, old news paper clippings and blue printed mimeographed recipes from Relief Society. There is a mini history of Martha in that old box, that gives me a glimpse of what interested her in the kitchen. There were at least a dozen recipes for breakfast casserole, when I asked John and his sisters if their mother liked it, they just shrugged and said "meh, she must have." Obviously it wasn't a favorite of theirs. She must have been searching for a recipe her family liked better. 

I love this undated  picture of Mom and Dad. It looks like from the late 60s when mom was collecting her recipes.

We also found all of the family calendars Marianne and I had made over the years. The first one was dated 1990. I remember asking John's sibling to send me actual photographs that I glued onto to a very pixelated calendar that I printed out onto card-stock.  It was very crude by today's internet programs. But there are some great pictures of the aunts and uncles and Lingard cousins as they were growing up. It's also a great family history, 23 years of pictures, give or take a few years. It was very sad not to have to make her a calendar this year.

It was a little dis concerning  to see all of Mom's worldly possessions laid out for us to pick and chose from. I think it made us all aware of our own mortality. We asked ourselves "will our children value anything of ours when we are gone?" While they might help them remember us, they are still just material things and can not take the place of memories of things we did together, learned together and loved together.

Party Food

We, my siblings and I, celebrated mom's 80th birthday party at our house last week. We decided we would just have finger food, and as we were planning who was bring what we realized that most of what what we annually make at Christmas time originated with mom. 

                                                  Mom and Maggie at the party

Mom had this drive to learn and do all she could to make things nice for dad and us kids. Her mother didn't cook a lot, being a single mother In the 40s was probably all she could do. So mom was pretty much self taught when it came to party food.

She started with a cheese ball made from Kraft processed sharp cheddar and blue cheeses popular in the late 60s. To this day we all love that cheese ball, although it drives Matt crazy that there isn't an ounce of real cheese in it. She also found a recipe for a veggie dip with puréed cottage cheese, cream cheese and optional clams that hummas will never replace. 

Mom always made cookies at Christmas. Russian Tea Cakes, also known as Mexican Wedding Cookies  and Thumbprint cookies filled with jam were always out on Christmas Day. But our favorite was Carrot Cookies with orange frosting. Mom told me this year she got the recipe while living in Rapid City, South Dakota when dad was in the airforce. Carrot cookies were a favorite in my family as well! John and the kids love the orange frosting. (Jayne never made them for her family because she hated frosting all those cookies as a teenager. Leslie asked me for the recipe this year, saying I live those cookies, but mom didn't put them in our cookbook.)  Unfortunately I haven't convinced a couple of my daughters in law to keep the tradition going. Apparently, carrot cookie is an oxymoron as far as they are concerned.

Mom found a little red candy making booklet that started our Christmas candy making tradition. My mother in law also used the same one, so it must have been popular in Utah in the late 60s and early 70s. She learned how to make peanut brittle, doubling the peanuts because she liked more nuts than brittle, caramels, toffee and fudge that wasn't made from marshmallows. She later found a recipe for pecan brittle and a better fudge recipe that have become my favorites. When we lived in Houston she always included a tin of homemade candy in our Christmas package that made our warm, humid Christmases seem a little closer to home. I didn't even try to make candy in Houston after a couple of failures due to the humidity and a sea level altitude. 

I have always brought or sent homemade candy to my children at Christmas as well. When Matt told Ian we weren't coming this year after Christmas (because of mom's birthday) he exclaimed tearfully, "but where am I going to get my peanut brittle?" Luckily the package was in the mail. 

Licorice caramels are my contribution to our candy tradition. I got a little carried away with the black food coloring this year. Oops. But they were still enjoyed by all

 

Thanks mom for starting and then passing on these traditions. Happy birthday, it was a great party with great food.